I love having people over to my house and cooking for my loved ones. Last night – celebrating Andre’s 45th birthday, the fool/supermoon, and Purim – was a delight. People often ask me for my recipes after coming over. I kind of make them up as a go along, but decided for once to do a post-mortem on a meal. Here are the results.
COCKTAILS
“The Andre” – Vodka and raspberry Sierra Mist
“The Stevemopolitan” – Vodka, Contreau, raspberry Sierra Mist
Guinness Stout, in bottles
HORDY VORS (as my dad called them)
Cheese plate – “Constant Bliss” and Colson Stilton from the Greene Grape, smoked gouda from the ripmeoff deli
Split pea dip
– Bring some split peas (about a half pound) to a boil for two minutes; set aside for one hour
– Add olive oil, salt, Lowry’s seasoning salt, pepper, Sofrito, onion bullion, whatever seasonings you like
– Bring split peas to a boil again; bring down heat, simmer for 1-2 hours.
– When peas begin to disintegrate, mash with a fork
– Add honey Dijon mustard, as much as you want, to taste
– Throw in a handful of raisins
– Turn off heat and refrigerate at least 2 hours. Add a little olive oil when serving
Mark Bittman’s Crackers (with Steven Thrasher flair)
– Bittman’s full recipe is here (http://nyti.ms/igWIzG). This is my take.
– Combine 1 stick butter, 2 cups flour and 1 cup grated Parmesan cheese until crumbly, consistency of cornmeal
– Turn oven on to 400 degrees
– Add some poppy seeds, finely chopped garlic
– Add ½ cup buttermilk, more if needed, so that the dough just barely pulls together
– Make into two balls of equal size
– Flour your hands and a regular drinking glass (always use a floured glass for this stuff, never bother with a useless rolling pin) and two large cookie sheets.
– Set out a sheet of wax paper and flour generously. Place one of the balls on this sheet and roll out about the size of the cookie sheet. Irregular sides are fine
– Flip the rolled out dough over onto one of the cookie sheets. Repeat.
– Bake for 10-15 minutes, checking constantly after about 8 minutes, until edges of dough are just starting to burn a little.
– Remove from sheet, let crackers cool just to the point that they are not singing your fingers, and start to break up into little pieces. (Anal types can use a pasta cutter for this, or a knife.)
SOUP COURSE
Seafood Fungi Chowder, Featuring Heide Bideau’s Handpicked Mushrooms
When I visited Switzerland for Christmas a few month’s ago, Andre’s mother Heide was kind enough to give me some of her special mushrooms. (No, they were not hallucinogenic.) Rather, she goes out into the hills and picks wild mushrooms each summer, dries them, and gives them out as gifts. This touching gesture was much appreciated, and reminded me of how my own mother would make fruit preserves for people she loved as gifts each year. Plus, you can’t get a more Swiss gift than mushrooms from the hills of Switzerland picked by a woman named Heide (who, like Heidi, hails from Frankfurt)!
Still, I had serious reservations about smuggling them back into the country. I decided not to declare them, as the form asked if I had animal or plant or living things, and fungus are scientifically none of these. Fortunately, the customs agent I encountered in Toronto didn’t seem to care. Then, for months I deliberated about the best time to eat the magic mushrooms, settling on Andre’s birthday as a worthy occasion.
And so, with a mix of very local seafood and very distant mushrooms, I made last night’s soup, which Sally Rosen said was “the best soup I’ve ever had” – even though it wasn’t Italian!
Here’s how to make it.
– Get a dozen “chowder” clams. At my farmer’s market, in Fort Greene Park, they are much larger than regular clams but, oddly, not any more expensive. (And, by the standards of the market, they seem cheap: 12 for $6.)
– Also several hours before hand, I took Heide’s mushrooms, and soaked them in milk for about three hours to reconstitute them. They smelled delightfully, those pungent fungi. After they were quite moist, I rinsed them to get rid of residual earth, shook dry in a colander, then set aside. (You too can use dried Asian or Italian mushrooms, but fresh work fine. I’ve had great success with oyster mushrooms.)
– A couple hours before making soup, steam the clams. Put an inch of water in a big pot and bring to a boil. Placing on top of a steamer, put the clams in and cover pot. When they start to pop open, an extraordinarily satisfying experience (in about 10 minutes), remove, run under cold water, and shuck, putting the meat in a bowl. 
Refrigerate.
– To make the actual chowder, use a good cast iron pot
– Put a half stick of butter in the pot, and turn on high heat. Chop a half onion, red or white, in course chunks and throw into pot
– Cut a pound of bacon into 2” strips. Put about half into the pot, stirring constantly for the first couple of minutes
– Add a few cloves of chopped garlic
– Dice some potatoes. I used about six purple potatoes. I didn’t skin them, but I cut off the eyes and cut into small cubes, about the size of dice
– Add potatoes to pot. Enjoy the smell. As a little more butter, or some olive oil, if needed.
– Take a cast iron skillet, and turn on high heat, generously using butter. Throw in the other half of that onion.
– Remove clams from fridge. Remove excess fluid and dice into smaller chunks. (I also used a ½ pound of scallops, but this isn’t necessary.) Add all to skillet for a couple of minutes.
– While the seafood is turning buttery and garlic-y, add some buttermilk to the potato-bacon-onion pot. Stir in some flour at the same time. Use a little whole milk too, if you like. Stir all together, until it starts to congeal. Lower heat when it starts to bubble.
– Dump the seafood skillet contents into the pot. Stir. Add more buttermilk and flour if needed. Season with salt and pepper to taste.
– Add the mushrooms, throw in whatever is left of the stick of butter you’ve been using, and throw in the rest of that bacon. Use additional milk or flour if needed
– Reduce to a simmer, and put lid on the pot. Cook at least two hours, until potatoes are tender and soup has taken on the taste of various elements. Stirring is only needed occasionally, maybe once every half hour to make sure bottom isn’t burning. How good is it? Sally Rosen says it’s the best soup she’s ever had, including Italian soup.
MAIN COURSE
At this point in the evening, toast the birthday boy, and point out the serendipity of the fact that at 45 RPM and 33 RPM, he and the host are both record speeds. Then serve the following.
Corned Beef and Cabbage
This is really easy and delicious to make.
– Take some corned beef. Any brand will do. I used Nathan’s (yes, the same as the maker of the hot dogs), and used about 9 lbs, which was a little too much. Based on last night, I’d say 6 lbs would easily feed 12 people. However, the cured meat keeps well and will make sandwiches for a week, so always make extra.
– Fill the bottom inch of a roasting pan with an inch to 1.5” of vinegar. Add a few pieces of garlic, peppercorns and some chopped onion
– Place the meat in the pan. It does NOT need to be covered by the liquid. Add whatever seasoning packets come with it. This is superfluous – the bulk of the flavor comes from the cured meat leaking into the vinegar – but doesn’t hurt
– Cover pan with foil and cook at 350 for 3+ hours. Enjoy the smell.
– An hour before it is done, take a head of cabbage (only $2 at the farmer’s market!) Core it and cut into 2” strips. Rinse a package of baby carrots. Place all in a large bowl of frigidly cold water (use ice cubes if needed) to shock it crisp. Set aside.
– When meat is done, remove from oven and drains delicious meat infused vinegar juice into a large pot. Bring to a boil. Drain chilled cabbage and carrots and throw into pot to cook, for 10-15 minutes. Check after 10 and remove before it gets soggy.
– Meanwhile, cover meat, return to oven, and turn oven OFF. It should be warm when served. Cut with the grain and serve with brown ground mustard.
Roast Potatoes
Angela provided roast potatoes, chopped in quarters, with herbs.
Salaaaaad
Stephane and Todd brought a delicious fresh salad, featuring mixed greens, fresh dill, garbanzo beans, and gorgonzola with a vinaigrette dressing. The fresh dill worked great with the meat. And Charlotte loved the salaaaad preparer. 
DESSERT
Homemade Strawberry Gelato
Enid, Gary and Charlotte Press brought an absolutely light and delicious homemade gelato, and will have to provide the recipe, if they’re willing.
Marjorie Dawes’ Lemon-Butter Cream Fatty Treats ‘Boink’ Cake
Marjorie Dawes is the nasty, nasty group leader of Fat Fighers in Britain, the UK counterpart to Weight Watchers. This is the sketch that was the inspiration for making a fatty treat cake for Andre.
Here’s how to make it.
– Make two lemon poppy seed cakes. I can’t find the recipe I used last night, so I will just advise this: use any recipe (or even a box mix), but use twice the amount of poppy seeds called for, and roughly 25% more lemon juice, and a little extra sugar. Throw in some lemon and/or orange rind for good measure. Also, throw in one or two shots of coconut rum or regular rum, and use spring form pans to bake.
– While cakes are baking, make a batch of lemon pudding flavored pudding. (I used a box mix.) Rinse a pint of blackberries, and finally chop a ½ cup of almonds or other nut
– Also, put one stick of butter out to warm up
– When pudding is done, immediately put in the refrigerator
– Take cakes out. Let cool no more than five minutes, and remove from pans
– Place one cake on serving plate. Take pudding from fridge, and spread evenly over the layer. Crush the black berries, and add chopped nuts. Result will look somewhat like this
– Place the second cake on top. Smooth out filling along the sides. Place in the refrigerator for a few minutes.
– Time to make the buttercream frosting! Take the stick of warm, but not melted, butter. Cream with 2 cups of confectioner’s sugar. Add 1-2 table spoons of milk
– Stir. Add a dash of some liqueur – rum, Cointreau, vanilla, Midori, Kalua – and stir. Add one to two cups more of confectioner’s sugar. I added green dye; you can dye any color, or leave cream colored
– Remove cake from fridge and frost. Mine looked like this.
– Return to fridge, uncovered. Can be made 24 hours in advance.
APPERTIFS
Offer coffee, tea, port or other digestifs. Our crowd weren’t big drinkers; we ended the night with 29 leftover beers and three partially drunk bottles of wine! But we did major damage on the food.
SOUNDTRACK
Of course, no good dinner party is complete without music. Our soundtrack consisted of MP3s, vinyl, internet streaming radio, and live song, including:
Independent Celtic Dance Music from Dublin via Itune’s radio; “The Best of Marvin Gaye” on vinyl; Dave Brubeck’s “Time In”; Henry Mancini’s Breakfast at Tiffany’s, played at both 33RPM and 45 RPM; Eddie Harris’ jazz rendition of Breakfast at Tiffany’s; Kronos Quartet’s “The Music of Bill Evans”; the Beatles’ “Abbey Road”; Prince and the Revolution’s “Around the World in a Day”; Sally Rosen and Steven Thrasher singing “Old Devil Moon” live, in honor the fool/supermoon, Andre’s birthday, Purim, and the coming of spring; and the Lithuania Chamber Orchestra’s performance of Arvo Pärt’s “Tabula Rasa”
The morning after, all that remained were Denis‘ beautiful flowers, and leftover fatty treats.
